How Did I Get Here?

September 2009 was just a few months ago, but it seems like forever. Just laying in bed watching TV, kind of playing with my doggie, Angel and my hand goes to my breast for protection when Angel was getting kind of rambunctious. Whoaaaaa! What was that? Wait a minute...no way....all these thoughts are quickly running through my head....did I feel a lump? No, couldn't be...better be sure.....check again.....yes, there is something "different there"...right on the top part of my left breast. I remembered asking the doctor years ago..."would I know if if I actually felt a lump in my breast".....his reply was yes, you'll know the difference. Yes, this was something different....don't panic....it's probably nothing.....even though you know that your fraternal grandmother had breast cancer, your father died of lung cancer at 63, your brother died of liver cancer in his 60's and you have twin daughters that have both gone through mastectomies.......don't panic....you're OK.

Being the "do it right" person that I am when it comes to health....I've had my mammograms, faithfully every year for about the last 25 or 30 years. I do the "check in the shower" thingy, not faithfully, but whenever I think of it. Couple of times there were questions but they were always quickly ruled out....everything is A-OK! This year the mammogram was due in August and somehow we got behind....and now it was September. What a difference a year makes! So many thoughts run through ones mind.....as to why something like this should be happening. I take my vitamins, I get plenty of rest, I eat a pretty good diet (maybe a little too much junk food...sugar, fat etc)...but I love my veges, too. I've colored my hair for many years....could I have ruined my health by doing that....Nah! Lots of people color their hair and live forever with out a problem. Well, not to worry! There is probably really no reason to get myself all upset. Call the doctor in the morning and make an appointment for this years mammogram. Everything's gonna be OK.

First thing next morning I make that call. Wouldn't you know, this is Friday, doctor has no open appointments and she's going on vacation all next week so the appointment is made for a week away. Why not just go have the mammogram....."no, doctor should see you first....one more week wont make a difference"...really?, maybe it wont make a difference to you, the appointment maker but I get to live with this ugly thought in the back of my head for one more week. I don't want to tell everyone or anyone...and have them worring, too. I just wont say anything until I know if there is really a problem. Yes, that's the best way to handle it at this stage of the game. I'll just go about my business as if everything is the same as usual unless suspicions are confirmed.